There are days when I look back and I remember all the stuggles and pain that I endured; I remember only being very depressed.  I re-live my eigth grade year and remember only that I wished to end my life because I didn’t think I was strong enough to endure any more excruciating trails life would continue to throw at me.  However, through all the pain, life was still going on all around me.  At home with my family I was still a little girl dancing in the ballet and arguing with my brothers.  In between the pitfalls I had very high peaks, and it is those peaks that I wish to remember and pass on as my legacy. I crave to understand my own purpose in life and therefore drawn to figure out who I was back then and how I wish to move forward now.  This is why I write, this is way I evaluate...

Ramblings

Say the word... All you have to do is say the word and I am yours.... Scary to say... Do I really mean it? I guess we will never know

Are you being good, trying to stay away from temptation? Or just tired of me? Should I ask? I want to...

In a way, as frustrated as I am I am glad you ignor me, it helps letting you go.... And I need to let you go, even though every part of me does not want to.

You have been flooding my subconscience, dancing around in my thoughts, invading my dreams...

I wish I knew what you were thinking, how you really felt about me, what you wanted to happen.  I wonder do you just want the physical, or do I have it all wrong and you feel too much? Do you think I am playing with your emotions?

I wish you wanted me like I want you, I wish you felt for me how I feel for you, I wish you thought of me as often as I think of you, I wish it hurt you like this hurts me....Tell me you love me, you think about me all the time, and if I left I would be yours.....then I would be yours

I can't play anymore, I want it to be real, and its not so I can't play anymore. It hurts too much, I get built up only to be dissapointed.

I have tried too hard for too long to keep you in my life. I can't try any more.

I deserve the indifference you have shown me the past couple of weeks, however my heart can no longer take the rollercoster ride; my soul is bleeding from self inflicted wounds and I no longer belive
you care.

What I would say to you right now...

You only want me when you want me, but I need you all the time.

You rush me in and out of your life and I am getting dizzy.

I know you care for me, you say you love me...but what kind of love do you mean?  Love like an old friend, or love like you think about me all the time....that is what I feel for you.

Our paths have never been going the same direction, at the same time, but our lack of communication just make this love affair frustrating...like a romantic movie where the two leads can't ever get it together because they can never tell each other what it they want from each other.